no one nose

this is what the new nose looks like.

as far as I can tell, it looks e-ZACKLY like the old one.

but really, who's to say? it's a pretty good nose, as far as I can judge. you know, straight. even tone and coloring. small pores. no stray hairs or extra bits of stuff.


it got me thinking about my own. I could probably use an upgrade. I've had this one for, like, forever. and I think it might be on its last legs. better dump it now before it craps out on me at some point when I really need it.

do they know it's thanksgiving

firstly, I can't believe we just ate thanksgiving dinner with a side of cranbelly jelly, sliced straight from the can. something about those acidic rings of jelly, with those ridges pressed into the sides makes me want to really put up a fight. like there isn't enough wrong with the world?

second, since when did they start showing five episodes of the twilight zone and calling it a marathon? and the worst five, too. you never let the viewers pick! they're idiots! they've probably got slices of cranberry jelly from a can on their tables!

gah. what exactly am I thankful for again?



o, right.

can we say goodbye to 2008 already?

a little more of less

there's nothing more satisfying than the thrill of getting rid of something. I love having less of something than when I started.

it almost doesn't matter what it is. cans in the cupboard, clothes in the closet, piles of papers, stuff.

I love bareness. the luxury of having less.


I'm packing up boxes and suitcases of things to take down and scatter as far away from me as possible.

it's already getting easier to breathe.

awake

I've had this dream every night I've slept since last friday:

it's pitch black and I'm opening my eyes, and I'm feeling really dizzy. I realize I'm outside, but I don't know why I'm there. it's dark, but not dark like night. dark like absence. there isn't a single sound and I feel like my ears don't exist anymore. I feel myself tilting around, but I either don't have arms or can't move them to help me balance. I'm just rooted to something by feet I can't feel and may not exist, swaying. nothing feels right.

I'm on the edge of something, something really, really tall. I can feel it in my body even if I can't see it or hear it. it makes me dizzier and I feel confused, out of control.

I feel my stomach heave into my chest, and I'm falling. everything has given way under me, and in the pitch blackness I can feel everything I've ever known rushing past my face. I strain to see, but I don't know if my eyes are closed or maybe that I don't have eyes anymore.

the bottom is approaching, and I can anticipate the hardness of it, and how fast I'm falling. it's a feeling of terror I can't even give thought to. and as everything in me turns completely out, I wake up, shivering in a cold sweat and lurching over to throw up.

it's to keep this dream away that I try and keep myself from falling asleep. 4:01 now, not too long before I can get up again.

any way you can, I guess

not that I have readers flocking to this imbecile blog or anything, but just out of curiosity, I ran a quick query on what people were searching for that led them to café bleu.

the overwhelmingly winning google search query? "pussy + cow"

whatever draws you in, I guess.

dumpster man

yesterday night I was walking home from the station, and although the area is perfectly safe, the block the station actually is on can sometimes creep into sketchville. it was like that last night when I got off the train, a little late, but made later, it seemed, by the fact that there isn't a single lamppost on that block.

I've walked that block a million times, twice a day, actually to and from work, and I don't usually think twice. but it was dark out, and unusual, I was the only person getting off.

the block is a short one, and at the end, the streets are well lit and there is usually some traffic. but there are some large trees on the way, and a couple of walls that lead into driveways. and it was out from behind one of these that what I thought was the dumpster man from mulholland drive lurched out at me.

now I know that it was just a very drunk man. and I've seen plenty of those, and dealt with plenty of them. but I could not care less what his story was. all I know is that I was alone and it was dark and this crazy man came out of nowhere and started grabbing me and even though he wasn't big, and he wasn't hurting me, I couldn't get away and I was really afraid.

we struggled for a bit, and I think I was too afraid to scream. or didn't even think of anything but trying to get away. and as we stumbled across the sidewalk, he tripped on a large root and momentary let go.

I ran.


I know this can happen anywhere, any time. but I really want to get out of this city.

11:45

I have to say, this is the most admirable defeat speech. and it makes me remember, for the first time during this entire election process, what made john mccain such an admirable and honorable man.

11:32

impressive.

9:04

texas has gone definitely red

8:46

this time, four years ago, DS and I were sitting in a bar, happily slurping down beers and munching away on burgers and fries, looking over at the numbers in blue on the flat screen monitor. and all that changed in a blur just 45 minutes later. so I'm not letting myself feel hopeful yet.

but what's up with that blue texas?

a touch of jinx

in 2000, eyes twinkling with the fervor of someone who sees, I worked on the fundraising team for ralph nader's campaign. even when he selected winona la duke as his running mate. of course, we all know how that turned out.

2004 rolled around and I threw my weight behind john kerry, working the campaign phones. I especially loved his choice of john edwards, hero to the old- and modern american, a man who had been putting his money where his mouth and politics were for over 20 years, as his running mate. november 4th, 11pm, we sat holding warm beers and cold chili cheese fries at tír na nÓg, bleaking counting the points rolling in the wrong direction.

2006. it's a new year and I've new hope in the attorney from north carolina who was going to reform economic, education and healthcare policies in a way that finally would make sense to the people who needed some sense offered them. for the first time I not only contribute time but money, and put both where my mouth is.

2008 and there is the smell of something new in the air. there's no way I'm going to touch this one. if there's something I've learned, it's to stay away. all I did was push a couple of buttons this morning, and say a prayer.

good to know

gregory peck was on the rowing team at berkeley. a fact that I find comforting. this, in a time when I need some comfort.