too late

today I came across a letter written me by M, during a time when I thought my promises would take hold and melt away the endless calvary of tomorrows marching over the horizon, aiming themselves directly at me. it was a time when I thought I was strong enough to fight for ideas like forever, and that my intentions were pure enough to bind me to the future when they'd be cashed in.



it exhausts me to read it now. all that expectation. I want to climb into my bed and go to sleep, breathing in the warmth of yesterday's sunshine, thick and heavy and tasting of the ocean. I almost picked up the telephone.



instead, I folded it and tucked it away, between pages 121 and 122. I'll take it out again when I'm a better person.