tommy!

sometimes what I love is the unchangingness of it all. I love going back and stepping back.

and really, going to tommy's can't be described as anything but stepping back. in all sorts of ways.

that bright red sign. the steeply gabled little stand. the attack pigeons.





I especially love the line drawing of mr. tommy. all smiles and hatchmarks. like, "you wanna some more ketchup? go ahead, they's a whole bucket of packets right in fronna you. take as much as you want. ketchup's good for you!"

and while you're waiting there for your tommyburger order, you're peering in, wondering who the tommy offspring are. is it the one cutting onions? the one on the phone? the one asking you if you want a large or supah-large coke?


and, then, voilà, tommy burgers. with a side of tommy fries. and fistfuls of ketchup packets.

a and yet, something is missing. something doesn't feel quite right. what is it? more ketchup?

...maybe...maybe, *s!, these just weren't ever as good as you're pretending to remember them as being.

les légumes de montréal

just to share memorable quotes from a weekend of guillaume (in no particular order, that's for sure):

7. oh, I'll eat chicken, for the right occasion. I'm not THAT kind of vegan.

6. I choose incurable halitosis over a walleye every time.

5. what's that smell? is it you? or...is it..me...?

4. oooooh, webbed toes?! I like this game!

3. what? I'm just letting the body do it's thing.

2. whoa. is this..lint? is it...NAVEL lint?

1. ve frainch, you see, ve aire vairy crue-ell to our cheeckens.

no one nose

this is what the new nose looks like.

as far as I can tell, it looks e-ZACKLY like the old one.

but really, who's to say? it's a pretty good nose, as far as I can judge. you know, straight. even tone and coloring. small pores. no stray hairs or extra bits of stuff.


it got me thinking about my own. I could probably use an upgrade. I've had this one for, like, forever. and I think it might be on its last legs. better dump it now before it craps out on me at some point when I really need it.

what I like about you...

and you..and fine, you.

so all right. hold me to my word. when I said I was going do more of telling my friends what made them so great, I didn't expect it to kick into effect so immediately. but a promise is a promise, so for those of you've who asked (and also for those who haven't, but the former definitely outnumber the latter), here's a (partial, and growing-every-day) list of the reasons I think you're the bee's knees:


1. I love the way you see the world around
1. you through rose-colored glasses, and your
1. unabashedness about it. the world needs
1. more of you and so I do.

2. you let me talk to you during movies, and
2. answer my questions right away, even if
2. something's happening on screen. I know
2. it's annoying but I can't help it and I appreciate
2. that you never make me feel like I'm
2. interrupting you or hold up your hand
2. shush me. this makes you great.

3. you're always up for an adventure, and I
3. can convince you to watson me for just about
3. any escapade. I love you for it.

4. you're not afraid to disagree with the new yorker
4. or the new york fucking times book review.
4. yay.

5. you talk back to runar instead of to me. because
5. duh, it's runar what's asking you a question,
5. not me.

6. you give a really great head squish, and I
6. miss them. advil just doesn't cut it.

7. you always know exactly how to cheer me up
7. or calm me down with your dry sense of
7. humor and wry smile. even though you are
7. so far away, there isn't a day I don't miss you.

8. you know that there's nothing in the world
8. that needs to be taken that seriously, and
8. you're able to remind me of that without
8. being condescending or holier-than-thou.
8. that's a rare and very much appreciated skill
8. and I appreciate it more with every new
8. person I meet.

9. you know what you want and are unafraid
9. to go out into the world in search of it, no
9. matter who or what stands in your way.
9. and even when the obstacles seem huge,
9. you're undeterred. I love watching you
9. attack the universe with your unlimited
9. enthusiasm for how things should be.

10. you're always completely open to the
10. new, even if they come at an expense
10. because you appreciate the cost of
10. learning about the world around you.
10. you reaffirm my belief in the world's
10. ability to learn.

11. I absolutely love and admire your passion
11. for the things that are important to you
11. and your indefatigable enthusiasm
11. for the things you love. you inspire me.

gummy chummy

here's a riddle for you: what's squishy and red and shaped like a lobster but tastes like cherries and comes in a box and weighs 5 pounds?


answer:

a five pound box of gummi lobsters, that's what!

does it get better than this?

I hope not, I probably couldn't handle it.

on a side note, I didn't include a picture of the included postcard, which read: "blah blah blah, I FORBID you to eat this all in one sitting. do you hear me?"

12345678ahh, a challenge! I love it. you're on, chiik!

chimpliment

deacs (10:58:14 AM): yo
*s!*****(10:58:22 AM): hey chumley
deacs (10:58:31 AM): are you ready for a compliment?
*s!*****(10:58:41 AM): wait
deacs (10:58:42 AM): not from me, mind you
*s!*****(10:58:49 AM): o. even better
*s!*****(10:58:54 AM): let me get myself ready
deacs (10:59:04 AM): so, i walked in this morning
deacs (10:59:14 AM): and jennifer and emanuel were tlaking about some broad
deacs (10:59:28 AM): who apparently is nice and dresses well and is hot
deacs (10:59:42 AM): and then jennifer goes "she dresses like *s!"
deacs (10:59:50 AM): so there's your compliment
*s!*****(10:59:58 AM): ooo, I'm posting this
deacs (10:59:58 AM): may it carry you through the darkness of your life
*s!*****(11:00:11 AM): seriously. it's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all year
deacs (11:00:15 AM): wow
deacs (11:00:20 AM): that's really sad
*s!*****(11:00:31 AM): welcome to my universe, chums
deacs (11:00:33 AM): someone told me i was pretty good at rock band
deacs (11:00:43 AM): i think that was the nicest thing i've heard so far this year
*s!*****(11:00:57 AM): hey, I told you once you didn't smell so bad
*s!*****(11:01:01 AM): anymore

Note: italicized text added with artistic interpretation by editors

with friends like these

*s! (2:31:40 PM): I don't know what my problem is
*s! (2:31:45 PM): I just can't seem to write anything lately
*s! (2:31:54 PM): have you ever had bloggers block?
deacsachump (2:32:53 PM): no
deacsachump (2:32:55 PM): never have
deacsachump (2:33:07 PM): you have yet to post anything in the month of march
*s! (2:33:49 PM): okay, I have a week's worth of writing to do today
*s! (2:33:51 PM): and I'll do it
*s! (2:33:56 PM): just you wait and see!
deacsachump (2:34:06 PM): doubtful
*s! (2:34:46 PM): meh
deacsachump (2:34:58 PM): just throw any old crap up there
deacsachump (2:35:03 PM): something's gotta stick
deacsachump (2:35:07 PM): that's what i do
deacsachump (2:35:21 PM): ah!
deacsachump (2:35:28 PM): today, i'll write an obituary for your blog
deacsachump (2:35:30 PM): awesome
*s! (2:35:35 PM): you suck

my friends date famous peeple

Chiik met Will at the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament in 2007, and sparks flew across their respective empty puzzles. Of course, the sparks from the Chiikster flew from a lot longer, considering that Will pushed aside his completed seventh while Chiik sweated out over 27 Down on Puzzle 1.

Still, at this year's ACPT, Chiik and Will proved, that like the Os in oleo, they belong together.

photocredit: chiik

TC and Kiefer's is a slightly less warm and fuzzy story. Brought together by shared heartbreak, tears and malt liquor, theirs is a bond that cannot be broken by anything less than hot chicks in short skirts. You can see that TC's devoted attention has already been diverted.
photocredit: crazon

"What's that? O, yeah. Nice to meet you, Chris. You love Jack Bauer, cool, cool."

"Seriously, dude, will you leave us alone? And stop taking pictures of us. We're having a moment here."

"I told you, I don't autograph body parts. Put your pants back on."

photocredit: crazon

JP McLennon & Alice go to town

Act 1:
JP: So, ah, I saw some boobs the other day.
Me: O, really? Sounds like fun.
JP: I didn't even have to work. I just got them. Like a present at the end of a long day.
Me: Well, happy birfday to you, JP.
JP: Yeah, it was great.
Me: So, then what'd you do?
JP: What do you mean? I looked at them.
Me: Well, I'm presuming they were with someone, and that someone probably wanted something more than for you to just look at them.
JP: I dunno. What was I supposed to do, take them out? I mean, they were already out.


Act 2:
Alice: So, I gotta tell you what happened the other day.
JP: God, you're going to actually tell that story?
Alice: Yeah, well, it has to be told. It's fermenting inside me like cheap wine.
JP: That's because you're drinking cheap wine.
Alice:So, anyways. The other night, I'm out with Doleman, and as we're going into a club, I end up chatting up these two hot chicks, who were not all that hot, but were drunk as hell and from Toronto.
Me: So basically, you end up chatting drunk tourists?
Alice: Yeah, anyways. So, I convince them to skip out on the club and hang out with me at a bar.
Me: What about Doleman?
Alice: Who? Are you going to let me tell this story or what?
Me: ...
Alice: So anyways, we end up at [Dive Bar], and I'm sitting there with a pair of hot, trashed girls from Toronto in my arms. And of course I excuse myself to put out the JP-signal.
JP: I just want to point out that it was a Wednesday night, and 12:30.
Alice: Yeah, totally. And of course McLennon doesn't want to come out.
JP: But I did. I want to point that out. 12:30 on a school night. And I'm getting dressed and heading uptown.
Alice: Boo hoo hoo. So, of course it takes McLennon forever to get out there.
JP: And by the time I do...
Alice: Yeah, so by the time he does, we're totally trashed, and ready to take it onto the dancefloor.
JP: I knew I shoulda stayed home. But I want to point out what a good friend I am. And that I went out onto the dancefloor. Sober.
Alice: (turns to JP) Seriously, man. I owe you for that.
JP: Not as much as what you owe me for what happened next.
Me: Why? What happened next?
Alice: So, there we are, the only people on this dance floor in the middle of this bar, on a Wednesday night, with a couple of trashed Torontonians.
JP: So, nothing new, is what he means.
Alice: And we're squeezing in, and I'm reaching out, just enough to show interest. And then, bingo. She takes my hand.
Me: So, you're on the dancefloor holding ha--
Alice: Wait. I'm not finished. All of the sudden, after we've been holding hands and dancing, the girls move off. As in, off the dancefloor.
Me: Okay, so? Did you follow them?
Alice: Um, no. Because JP and I were STILL ON THE DANCEFLOOR, HOLDING HANDS.
Me: And all that time, neither of you wondered that the girl's hand you were holding wasn't weirdly big and hairy?
Alice: ...
JP: We have pretty girly hands.
Alice: Actually, JP, you've got pretty soft hands.
JP: Nivea. And not so bad yourself, Alice.
Me: Ahem.
JP: Wanna hear the post-script? So, Alice go upstairs to clean himself off before throwing up the white flag, and guess who he sees? Yep, the Canadians, literally making the rounds. One lap after another.
Alice: Can you believe it? I mean, wtf. We were with them all night!
Me: Um, it was probably the holding hands with each other that tipped them off...

JP (turning to me): This better not go in your blog.


Act 3:
Transcription of IMs from Alice throughout the day:

(11:01:43) Hey, I'm going out with this chick today. It'll be great.
(11:01:43) She's hot!
(11:02:21) Yeah, we're meeting up around 6:30 for an early
(11:02:21) dinner. Can't wait. I'm wearing date clothes. Did I
(11:02:21) tell you she's hot?
(12:52:35) I should get something for lunch. But I don't want to
(12:52:35) bloat myself out before this date. She's really hot.
(2:13:27) We've been IMing a bit. She's hot and seems cool.
(4:59:02) I'm starting to fade a bit. I'm going to grab a coffee so
(4:59:02) I don't fall over during the date. It would suck to nod
(4:59:02) off during a hot date.
(5:11:32) WTF! She just txted me to say she can't make it!
(5:11:32) Some work thing. This sucks!
(5:13:53) You're right. So I'm going to text her and ask if she can
(5:13:53) do later. I mean, how late can work go?
(5:25:18) I haven't heard back from her. What's the deal?
(5:49:01) I still haven't heard from her, but I just left a
(5:49:01) phone message.
(6:11:44) Whatever.
(6:34:01) Yeah, I'm going out with JP for drinks. Later.

reunion

I haven’t seen david in ages and ages, and yet it was just like old times to meet up with him here in philadelphia.

just like, except for the fact that we sat around waiting for each other for almost half an hour, separated by about eight steps, "I can’t believe we’ve both been waiting here for so long--I kept looking over but all I saw was some random blonde girl."

but the conversation fell right into the old patterns, without a hitch, "who drinks a bloody mary at 9 in the morning? someone who woke up at 5 in the morning, that's who. hey, where's that bartender?"

catching up on the old, "really, he's the person I hate the least. he's not so bad. in fact, if you didn't hate him so much, you'd probably really get along. let me know if you see that bartender, okay?"

and then of course, the updates on the new and exciting, "yeah, hmm, so I can't remember if I got down on one knee or not this time, but I think I may have. or not. seriously, where's the bartender?"

it was great to see you, dave-a-doodle. happy birthday.

who's a chump now?

dear deacs,

don't make come back out there and make you cry like the little girl we all know you are. and that "self-portrait" doesn't even look like me. I cut my hair, like, months ago. der.

also, where's the $350 you owe me? pay up.

love,
*s!

ps: and yeah, that's right. I do like cake. so suck it.

jims

there's a huddle of concerned students gathering, as they've just witnessed a body flying through the air and skid to a stop nearly 10 feet away from where the bike it was riding a moment ago has fallen.

"are you okay?"

"god, there's blood!"

"hey, it's going to be okay..."

"maybe we should get him to a hospital. hey, we should get you to a hospital. sew that up."

but he stares down, in disbelief. shock holding his eyes to the large rent in his sleeve, disclosing an even larger one in his arm. "o, my god. o my god. o my god" he whispers.

the crowd sighs with relief. he can speak. "no man, it'll be okay. they'll fix you up at the hospital."

he's confused by this. hospital?? he holds up his sleeve, "how are they going to fix this at the hospital?? it's cashmere!"

"dude. forget your sweater. you're arm's got a hole in it!"

his head whips up, frustration and disdain tightening the lines on his face as he holds up his arm and hisses, "skin grows back. cashmere doesn't!"



this is by far my favorite story about my friend jims, who taught me it was okay to place the important things high up on the list, even if everyone else says you shouldn't.

jims, I miss you.

happy birthday, jubs

this morning, jubs woke up with a sense of tingling anticipation. something was going to happen today. for a moment, he couldn't remember what. but then he remembered: today, jubs was turning old. old. the kind of old that can only properly be celebrated with a sackful of donuts and a meander through the inexplicably puddly streets of the lower east side. that's old, you know? but lucky for jubs, he knew just the right people to help him do it.


this is what today looked like:


first, jubs called. we decided to meet down at the donut plant for a birthday sack of donuts.



but first, we stopped at kossars for bialys. jubs went for the jubblesized special.



then it was jubs' gift time. some spectacular wrapping by the chiikster.



donerts!



old friends. sit on their park bench like bookends.
donut crumbs blown through the grass
fall on the round toes
of the high shoes
of the old friends.