brought to you by my 13-year old self, in conjunction with my present-day self who realizes that her 13-year old self was imminently cooler than she will ever be again:
I did use to love the pretty long-haired boys in eyeliner. where did they all go?
the lead singer, tom, reminds me of j, whom I used to have a crush on and would steal glances at all the time when I was dating i. I'd make excuses to catch him in his velvet-suited glory, leaning against the streetposts on telegraph or at popscene at the cat club, before it moved to 330 ritch. all hair and dark-rimmed eyes and thin, long fingers.
I'm sure he's probably the bagcheck dude at an amoeba somewhere or something.
o, back to tokio hotel. the obligatory ballad:
I told kisling that they were like an early crüe, circa too fast for love or shout. but I take that back now. more on the realm of theatre of pain. but cuter? and cleaner?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
wednesday morning, 4am
and I'm up. awake without even the slightest hint of sleep hovering anywhere near me.
are you wondering if I'm still an insomniac? guess.
are you wondering if I'm still an insomniac? guess.
pussy cow
does anyone remember cal worthington and his dog spot? I don't really remember much from the 80s, but I remember these commercials:
and apparently, he wasn't saying "pussy cow" but "go see cal". eh. 24 years in translation.
and apparently, he wasn't saying "pussy cow" but "go see cal". eh. 24 years in translation.
Planet *s!
If you haven't already, I really encourage you strongly to check out Planet B-Boy if you're lucky enough to have it playing near you.
In one of the parallel versions of my life, I am a breakdancer. Of course, a great one. A girl one. I would be known for my crazy blowups and over the top footwork. In this version of my life, tho, I have to live it vicariously through real bboys.
I want someone to say of me, "there's nobody that can touch *s! when it comes to _____" and say that without referencing peeps or sugar consumption. I love the idea of loving something so much you can't contain yourself. And I'm envious of the passion and desperation it takes to throw your life into something. Anything. I mean I'm pretty passionate about Reese's Pieces. But I'd give them up rather than put up a fight. I'm just like that.
More from Last For One, who were the undisputed heartbreak champions of the film and the 2005 International Battle of the Year:
I love their intensity, their complete focus, and most of all, their green and white puma tracksuits. Also, ♥ BBoy Joe ♥
And from France, Phase T, who are probably the most poetic of any of the finalists:
Lil Kev, the eeny white boy, is almost too twee to take seriously. Until you see him fly across the stage.
And then of course, Gamblerz, the defending champions coming into the 2005 Battle:
They're like a series of explosions. One of the only crews to build a storyline for this competition, and one that works whether or not you know it. I love that they're a powerhouse team, but knew that they needed to round out to become a more cohesive team. And then did it.
Finally, just for fun, a clip of Gamblerz v. Ichigeki during the Pre-Elim battle:
I love the in-your-faceness of it all. The show and tell structure of a story told in dance.
In one of the parallel versions of my life, I am a breakdancer. Of course, a great one. A girl one. I would be known for my crazy blowups and over the top footwork. In this version of my life, tho, I have to live it vicariously through real bboys.
I want someone to say of me, "there's nobody that can touch *s! when it comes to _____" and say that without referencing peeps or sugar consumption. I love the idea of loving something so much you can't contain yourself. And I'm envious of the passion and desperation it takes to throw your life into something. Anything. I mean I'm pretty passionate about Reese's Pieces. But I'd give them up rather than put up a fight. I'm just like that.
More from Last For One, who were the undisputed heartbreak champions of the film and the 2005 International Battle of the Year:
I love their intensity, their complete focus, and most of all, their green and white puma tracksuits. Also, ♥ BBoy Joe ♥
And from France, Phase T, who are probably the most poetic of any of the finalists:
Lil Kev, the eeny white boy, is almost too twee to take seriously. Until you see him fly across the stage.
And then of course, Gamblerz, the defending champions coming into the 2005 Battle:
They're like a series of explosions. One of the only crews to build a storyline for this competition, and one that works whether or not you know it. I love that they're a powerhouse team, but knew that they needed to round out to become a more cohesive team. And then did it.
Finally, just for fun, a clip of Gamblerz v. Ichigeki during the Pre-Elim battle:
I love the in-your-faceness of it all. The show and tell structure of a story told in dance.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
melting my days away
some days I just sit and stare blankly at the wall, trying to tune out the hum of crickets in my head.
some days it is figuratively. others it is literal. every day, I want it to stop.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
before there was john
there was julian
Julian Lennon, Too Late for Goodbyes. Valotte
my first obsession. I used to carry around the lyrics of this song in my big google-eyed kitty backpack. and call up michelle vatcher any time either of us heard this song on the radio. it really made the third grade for me.
Julian Lennon, Too Late for Goodbyes. Valotte
my first obsession. I used to carry around the lyrics of this song in my big google-eyed kitty backpack. and call up michelle vatcher any time either of us heard this song on the radio. it really made the third grade for me.
Friday, April 25, 2008
intermission with the decks
okay, so I'm really not a baby person. I mean, I'm a fan of warm, squishy things. especially if they smell good. but I've been known to hiss menacingly at children who wandered too close to my personal space boundaries and snarl, "suck it up" at crying ones in restaurants and theatres.
but what I am a fan of, regardless of age or size, are sunshiny happiness and teethy smiles. and boy, does the decks have that. in buckets and to spare. how do you not want to squeeze this:
or this:
but what I am a fan of, regardless of age or size, are sunshiny happiness and teethy smiles. and boy, does the decks have that. in buckets and to spare. how do you not want to squeeze this:
or this:
seriously, everyone, just everyone loves the decks.
look here for more photos of the deckleston. as an aside, I totally think the decks needs to be in print and film ads, don't you think? I keep telling TC this is the time to do it, before the decks realizes what's going on and develops a cuter-than-you attitude, which could ruin him.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
obstacles
in the way of my living my life like a normal person:
* need to get glasses
* need to get prescription to get glasses
* need to see optometrist to get prescription for glasses
* need to reserve car on phillycarshare to get to
* optometrist to get prescription for glasses
* need to pick up phillycarshare membership card
* to reserve car to drive down to optometrist to
* get prescription for glasses
* need to get someone to drive me back from
* optometrist (after they dilate my eyes) with
* prescription for glasses
* need to coordinate schedules with this someone
* who maybe could drive me back from the optometrist
* who I need to see for the followup visit so they will
* release my prescription to me so I can finally get
* glasses and new contacts so I can see
why is everything so difficult? don't even get me started on the rest of my To-Do list:
* Spring Cleaning
* Stop Being Depressed
* Finish Dissertation and Get Out of Grad School
* and Move Somewhere with a Proper Spring
* and Fall and Close to the Ocean and Get a House
* So I Can Stop Living On A College Campus and
* Actually Live a REAL LIFE
that last one, especially. that one's a doozy.
* need to get glasses
* need to get prescription to get glasses
* need to see optometrist to get prescription for glasses
* need to reserve car on phillycarshare to get to
* optometrist to get prescription for glasses
* need to pick up phillycarshare membership card
* to reserve car to drive down to optometrist to
* get prescription for glasses
* need to get someone to drive me back from
* optometrist (after they dilate my eyes) with
* prescription for glasses
* need to coordinate schedules with this someone
* who maybe could drive me back from the optometrist
* who I need to see for the followup visit so they will
* release my prescription to me so I can finally get
* glasses and new contacts so I can see
why is everything so difficult? don't even get me started on the rest of my To-Do list:
* Spring Cleaning
* Stop Being Depressed
* Finish Dissertation and Get Out of Grad School
* and Move Somewhere with a Proper Spring
* and Fall and Close to the Ocean and Get a House
* So I Can Stop Living On A College Campus and
* Actually Live a REAL LIFE
that last one, especially. that one's a doozy.
menny hapy returns
from my sister, bean! I absolutely love these, and have been wearing the silver ones nonstop. aren't they just beautiful? I almost can't believe she made them. and yet, I can, too. they are really, really perfect.
these are so delicate, and rich at the same time. I love the way the loop at the top is heavier, more luxuriant in all that gold.
these are my personal favorite, because they are something I would want made for me. and they were! all soft silver and organic curves. and so featherlight, I can hardly feel them.
and my ears, which are allergic to everything. love these.
I'm saving these for a special occasion. I love how pretty they are. with the gold wrapped wire around the top of the carnelian like the neck of the j'adore bottle. or those ndebele women.
these are so delicate, and rich at the same time. I love the way the loop at the top is heavier, more luxuriant in all that gold.
these are my personal favorite, because they are something I would want made for me. and they were! all soft silver and organic curves. and so featherlight, I can hardly feel them.
and my ears, which are allergic to everything. love these.
I'm saving these for a special occasion. I love how pretty they are. with the gold wrapped wire around the top of the carnelian like the neck of the j'adore bottle. or those ndebele women.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
angelyne
raise your hand if you know who and what this is:
if your hand isn't raised, you're no southern californian. sit back down.
if your hand isn't raised, you're no southern californian. sit back down.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
can you tell me how to get,
how to get to sesame streeeeeet?
what I love is that they're still filming sesame street right on the streets of new york, and not some soundstage in burbank. I don't know why it's so comforting, but it is. the fact that my friends and neighbors sometimes will stay in the places I expect them to be, and I might run into them on my way back from the park on a saturday afternoon.
wait a minute. WHO is that with his hand up murray's ass?
what I love is that they're still filming sesame street right on the streets of new york, and not some soundstage in burbank. I don't know why it's so comforting, but it is. the fact that my friends and neighbors sometimes will stay in the places I expect them to be, and I might run into them on my way back from the park on a saturday afternoon. 
wait a minute. WHO is that with his hand up murray's ass?
Monday, April 21, 2008
coulda been me
last week, I read about nicholas white, who was trapped in an elevator for 41 hours. FORTY ONE HOURS! and the entire thing was caught on the security camera video, a particularly fine condensed version set to music by the New Yorker:
there are two really salient points in his story for me. the first is that no one even realized he was trapped in the elevators the whole time. not the 8 security guards who ostensibly sat in front of the video monitors watching him pacing around and waving at the security camera mounted in Car 4 for nearly two straight days, not the attendants in the lobby where the elevator never returned, not the servicemen who took care of multiple repairs in the other elevators, not even his colleague, who instead taped a snide note onto his computer screen so everyone could see that he'd left her in the lurch.
there are two really salient points in his story for me. the first is that no one even realized he was trapped in the elevators the whole time. not the 8 security guards who ostensibly sat in front of the video monitors watching him pacing around and waving at the security camera mounted in Car 4 for nearly two straight days, not the attendants in the lobby where the elevator never returned, not the servicemen who took care of multiple repairs in the other elevators, not even his colleague, who instead taped a snide note onto his computer screen so everyone could see that he'd left her in the lurch.
the other point is more mundane, and yet closer-hitting. this idea that we live in a world over which our ability to control is just an illusion--one which we must create ourselves to trick ourselves, metaphorically illustrated by the door-close button in the elevator. a button whose main purpose is to "make you think it works", providing an outlet for the primal fear of losing control of one's surroundings once you step into that steel and concrete box dangling over thousands of feet of yawning nothing. most of us, step into one of these every day. putting our lives and fate into a mechanism of which we understand relatively little, if anything. and yet, we do it, cajoling ourselves into believing that we, not the elevator, are the ones in control. how many times have you watched someone, or yourself, step in and automatically reach for the door-close button. and of course, that the doors eventually do close, which only serves as evidence for our need to believe in the purpose and authority of that button. as nick paumgarten writes, "Elevator design is rooted in deception—to disguise not only the bare fact of the box hanging by ropes but also the tethering of tenants to a system over which they have no command." isn't it the same with the world we design around ourselves?
just saying.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
It's Passover, Peeps
As my (reprisal) Passover gift to you, let me present my re-enactment of the Ten Plagues:
DAM: River to Blood
TSFARDEIA: Frogs!
KINIM: Lice
AROV: Flies
DEVER: Death of Livestock
SHKHIN: boils
BARAD: Hail and Fire
ARBEH: Locusts
CHOSCHECH: Darkness
MAKAT BECHOROT: Death of the Firstborn
Friday, April 18, 2008
time to find a new library
not 5 minutes ago, right here, au bibliothèque:
some kid: hi
me: hellow
kid: hey...
me: yes?
kid: do I know you?
me: I dunno
kid: are you sure?
me: fairly
kid: really?
me: pretty
kid: haven't we met somewhere?
me: I don't know
kid: I think I might know you
me: well, I don't think I know you
kid: really?
me: more so now
kid: that's weird
me: which part?
kid: well, I feel like I know you. from somewhere.
me: . . .
kid: where do you hang out?
me: mostly, here
kid: are you at the library a lot?
me: yes
kid: maybe this is where I know you from?
me: maybe
kid: so what's your name?
me: *s!
kid: I'm Dennis
me: hellow, Dennis
kid: so, I guess we hadn't met before
me: no, I guess not
kid: okay, well, maybe I'll see you around?
me: maaaybe
some kid: hi
me: hellow
kid: hey...
me: yes?
kid: do I know you?
me: I dunno
kid: are you sure?
me: fairly
kid: really?
me: pretty
kid: haven't we met somewhere?
me: I don't know
kid: I think I might know you
me: well, I don't think I know you
kid: really?
me: more so now
kid: that's weird
me: which part?
kid: well, I feel like I know you. from somewhere.
me: . . .
kid: where do you hang out?
me: mostly, here
kid: are you at the library a lot?
me: yes
kid: maybe this is where I know you from?
me: maybe
kid: so what's your name?
me: *s!
kid: I'm Dennis
me: hellow, Dennis
kid: so, I guess we hadn't met before
me: no, I guess not
kid: okay, well, maybe I'll see you around?
me: maaaybe
all things considered...
..it really oughtn't feel so bad. but it does. and how do I account for that?
it's like a trip I took. it's night and I'm driving on an unfamiliar highway. but there are sodium vapor lights overhead, and I'm making okay time. and then for some reason or reasons--which seem vague and unclear to me now--I decided to take an offramp exit onto a side road. and, without really thinking too carefully about it, I toodled down that road until I realized it wasn't fully paved. I seemed to be alone and there weren't any lights. and the surrounding trees were growing in closer and denser.
the thing is, I'm not one to really turn around and go back. so I keep pushing forward. and soon, I'm inching along, completely surrounded by branches that are scratching at me, in absolute darkness. I don't even know that there's a road beneath me. now, it feels like I can't move forward or back. I can't even get the door open to assess the situation from another perspective. I'm stuck behind the wheel, staring forward at what seems like impenetrable darkness.
does this sound familiar to you? I hope it doesn't, for your sake. but for mine, I hope it does. just so I know that I'll make it out of here okay, in the end.
it's like a trip I took. it's night and I'm driving on an unfamiliar highway. but there are sodium vapor lights overhead, and I'm making okay time. and then for some reason or reasons--which seem vague and unclear to me now--I decided to take an offramp exit onto a side road. and, without really thinking too carefully about it, I toodled down that road until I realized it wasn't fully paved. I seemed to be alone and there weren't any lights. and the surrounding trees were growing in closer and denser.
the thing is, I'm not one to really turn around and go back. so I keep pushing forward. and soon, I'm inching along, completely surrounded by branches that are scratching at me, in absolute darkness. I don't even know that there's a road beneath me. now, it feels like I can't move forward or back. I can't even get the door open to assess the situation from another perspective. I'm stuck behind the wheel, staring forward at what seems like impenetrable darkness.
does this sound familiar to you? I hope it doesn't, for your sake. but for mine, I hope it does. just so I know that I'll make it out of here okay, in the end.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
IRS: 2,251, ME: 0
if I weren't diametrically opposed to guns. and Idaho. and large crowds of white people who live in compounds wearing clothes from Fashion Bug and Gunne Sax, I would totally join one of those anti-income tax clubs.
right now, I am wikipediaing Ron Paul.
right now, I am wikipediaing Ron Paul.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
jeopardy
CLUES:
1• you know, I've heard of people who can sleep just 2 or 3 hours
1• a night and still get their work done...
1• at least you're getting some sleep. that's better than no sleep.
1• have you tried just going to sleep?
ANSWER:
What are, "responses that could be construed as unsupportive or unhelpful when someone tells you they haven't been able to sleep for months, sometimes going days without any sleep at all, leaving them fighting to breathe in air that is suddenly too viscous to move through and feeling like the universe might implode at any second in a shatter of faded color."
1• you know, I've heard of people who can sleep just 2 or 3 hours
1• a night and still get their work done...
1• at least you're getting some sleep. that's better than no sleep.
1• have you tried just going to sleep?
ANSWER:
What are, "responses that could be construed as unsupportive or unhelpful when someone tells you they haven't been able to sleep for months, sometimes going days without any sleep at all, leaving them fighting to breathe in air that is suddenly too viscous to move through and feeling like the universe might implode at any second in a shatter of faded color."
woo?
is this true--chinese democracy is finally being released? or am I falling for another April Fool's Day prank, again? and, do I actually care anymore or is it one of those things people have been talking about for so long it's become just a musiclore formality, like wishing the beatles hadn't broken up or cbgb's hadn't closed down?
still, who wants to go see them with me when they go on tour?
still, who wants to go see them with me when they go on tour?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
midnight cowboy, 2008
"I'm thinking of moving to Florida. I could date an old person. I've been thinking about it, and I really feel like it's where I'd fit in. You know, I like to stay in. I like eating early. I like watching movies at 10am. It'll be warm, and we can walk around on the beach. And then go to sleep by 10. Yeah, Florida."
this end up
it's like one of those pictures in the back of the Highlights magazines at the doctor's office. how many things are wrong with this?
at the hospital, where the boy is getting some work done.
nurse: okay, so all your paperwork is ready to go?
boy: yes
nurse: and you're going to hold onto his things
nurse: while he's inside?
me: yes
nurse: great. we're ready to go.
nurse: go ahead and give your wife a hug and kiss.
me: you're married? your wife's here??
boy: I think she means you.
me: . . .
nurse: go on, a hug and kiss before you go in.
me: have a good time! (sock in arm)
nurse: it's always good to end with a hug and
nurse: kiss before going in there (nods towards
nurse: double doors). you never know what might
nurse: happen once you go under...
at the hospital, where the boy is getting some work done.
nurse: okay, so all your paperwork is ready to go?
boy: yes
nurse: and you're going to hold onto his things
nurse: while he's inside?
me: yes
nurse: great. we're ready to go.
nurse: go ahead and give your wife a hug and kiss.
me: you're married? your wife's here??
boy: I think she means you.
me: . . .
nurse: go on, a hug and kiss before you go in.
me: have a good time! (sock in arm)
nurse: it's always good to end with a hug and
nurse: kiss before going in there (nods towards
nurse: double doors). you never know what might
nurse: happen once you go under...
Monday, April 7, 2008
overheard
last night at tír na nÓg:
Chick: So, I'm doing it. I'm totally dating him.
Guy: What? Are you serious? WHY would you do that?
Chick: I dunno. It's time I had a serious relationship.
Guy: Serious? SERIOUS? Seriously deranged.
Chick: Isn't this what adulthood is all about?
Guy: What?? Loss of grip on reality? Senility?
Chick: Eh, I call it compromise.
Dude1: hey, in the end, aren't all women hookers?
Girl: WHAT??
Dude2: whoa, dude...
Dude1: I mean, when it comes down to it, it's just a matter
Dude1: of price, right? at some point, anyone can be bought.
Girl: grrrr
Dude2: seriously, dude...
Dude1: what I'm saying, I mean, come on, right? like, it
Dude1: might not be a payable price, but there's always
Dude1: a price at which you can be sold.
--Dude1 looks around, registers reactions of Girl a nd Dude2, causing him to start talking faster--
Dude1: I mean, you know, like if you're given a choice to
Dude1: save someone's life or something, right?
Girl: ...
Dude2: dude, I'm telling you...
Girl: like say, if a girl "chooses" to be "paid" her life
Girl: in exchange for sex at gunpoint or something,
Girl: that would make her a hooker?
Dude2: o, man.
Dude1: um, well. ha ha. so, uh, anyone want another
Dude1: beer? eh--ahem.
Friend1: Sorry I'm late. Have you ordered already?
Friend2: Just this bowl of popcorn and shrimp.
Friend1: Do you mean popcorn shrimp?
Friend2: No, look. Popcorn. And Shrimp.
Friend1: How was it?
Friend2: Eh, okay. I like popcorn. I like shrimp.
Friend2: But weirdly, I didn't like this.
Friend1: But there's nothing in there but popcorn.
Friend2: Yeah, that too. And there weren't that
Friend2: that many to begin with.
Friend1: So it's essentially a bowl of wet popcorn?
Friend2: Yeah.
Friend1: I think I'll stick with a burger.
Chick: So, I'm doing it. I'm totally dating him.
Guy: What? Are you serious? WHY would you do that?
Chick: I dunno. It's time I had a serious relationship.
Guy: Serious? SERIOUS? Seriously deranged.
Chick: Isn't this what adulthood is all about?
Guy: What?? Loss of grip on reality? Senility?
Chick: Eh, I call it compromise.
Dude1: hey, in the end, aren't all women hookers?
Girl: WHAT??
Dude2: whoa, dude...
Dude1: I mean, when it comes down to it, it's just a matter
Dude1: of price, right? at some point, anyone can be bought.
Girl: grrrr
Dude2: seriously, dude...
Dude1: what I'm saying, I mean, come on, right? like, it
Dude1: might not be a payable price, but there's always
Dude1: a price at which you can be sold.
--Dude1 looks around, registers reactions of Girl a nd Dude2, causing him to start talking faster--
Dude1: I mean, you know, like if you're given a choice to
Dude1: save someone's life or something, right?
Girl: ...
Dude2: dude, I'm telling you...
Girl: like say, if a girl "chooses" to be "paid" her life
Girl: in exchange for sex at gunpoint or something,
Girl: that would make her a hooker?
Dude2: o, man.
Dude1: um, well. ha ha. so, uh, anyone want another
Dude1: beer? eh--ahem.
Friend1: Sorry I'm late. Have you ordered already?
Friend2: Just this bowl of popcorn and shrimp.
Friend1: Do you mean popcorn shrimp?
Friend2: No, look. Popcorn. And Shrimp.
Friend1: How was it?
Friend2: Eh, okay. I like popcorn. I like shrimp.
Friend2: But weirdly, I didn't like this.
Friend1: But there's nothing in there but popcorn.
Friend2: Yeah, that too. And there weren't that
Friend2: that many to begin with.
Friend1: So it's essentially a bowl of wet popcorn?
Friend2: Yeah.
Friend1: I think I'll stick with a burger.
dave & andy
DAVE
* is in love (loooooo-ooove) and is going to be maaaarriieed
* just bought a beautiful apartment in the city he loves
* may be moving to Argentina for fun AND profit
* is quitting his job at the Dept of Poopville
* to work from home. from home.
ANDY
* is married to a seriously beautiful woman
* has two of the cutest babies ever to crawl the face of the earth
* is just coming out of a 6-month retire-cation
* now is starting a posh new job, just when semi-retirement
* is getting old
ME
* no job* no degree
* bad hair with roots showing
* still haven't unpacked boxes into dorm room
* need I say more?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
deacs comes to town
so, deacs came down to philadelphia to attend some thing that involved hookers and barbecue. I wasn't allowed to go because I'm a girl. or so he said.
it was fun to see the deacster so excited to be back in the city where he learned everything he currently knows. and considering how little that is, it took a surprisingly long time.
after hellows, we went into the bubble house for some bubble tea and a salad--sorority girl lunch. in case you're wondering, I had a plate of sweet potato fries, a raspberry lemonade boba and a knuckle samwich.
the deacs sucking out the last couple of boba balls from the bottom of his glass.
uhoh, the deacs' just spotted some girls. and they look like they could buy their own beers. thus endeth this reunion.
it was fun seein' you, deacs.
it was fun to see the deacster so excited to be back in the city where he learned everything he currently knows. and considering how little that is, it took a surprisingly long time.
after hellows, we went into the bubble house for some bubble tea and a salad--sorority girl lunch. in case you're wondering, I had a plate of sweet potato fries, a raspberry lemonade boba and a knuckle samwich.
the deacs sucking out the last couple of boba balls from the bottom of his glass.
uhoh, the deacs' just spotted some girls. and they look like they could buy their own beers. thus endeth this reunion.
it was fun seein' you, deacs.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
dangling participle
so, for a while, I worked at this place. an office place with lots of rows of desks and cubicles and people hunched over computers at them. and at this office place I worked at, convention called for us to communicate with each other via IM. there was no leaning over cubicle walls, or picking up the phone for a quick chat. and god forbid you actually cantilevered yourself out of your executive aeron chair and walked over to speak with someone in person.
that just to set the stage. the thing is we'd conduct most of our business communications throughout the day via IM. a typical conversation:
12345Engineer: hey *s!, the product specs call for A, B and C
12345Engineer: but we can only fulfill 2 of them in the timeframe.
12345Engineer: which ones do you want?
12345Me: whichever two cost the least
12345Engineer: okay, we can't really do C
12345Me: yeah, fine. A & B, then.
12345Enginner: um, can we just do A?
12345Me: didn't you just say A and B?
12345Engineer: okay, so we really can't do B either. we don't have
12345Engineer: the technology to do it
12345Me: wtf? the specs call for A, B, & C. why did you agree to them?
1234 Engineer: we didn't really think we'd have to do it
12345Me: whatever.
well, one day, I was having one such conversation with one of my colleagues from the other end of the office, a colleague with whom I'd had fairly minimal, if fairly odd, contact with during my tenure at this office place. and in the middle of a conversation that looked very much like the one above, the script suddenly veered when this appeared on my screen:
12345Me: the contract we signed with the client calls for A, B and C
12345Me: to be completed.
12345Colleague: I love you
I'm actually one of those people who reacts well in an emergency. have a heart attack, badly cut yourself, get trapped in an elevator, have a damning secret you can't tell anyone, and you can rest assured that I will know exactly what to do, and do it calmly and well. but throw me this, and I sit like a squirrel at midnight, facing the headlights of a careening roadster. I sat there, blinking at the screen, then closed the computer and went out for a coffee. a big one.
and never, ever, spoke of it to anyone til now.
so this story has not real point or end. but more a question--what would you have done?
that just to set the stage. the thing is we'd conduct most of our business communications throughout the day via IM. a typical conversation:
12345Engineer: hey *s!, the product specs call for A, B and C
12345Engineer: but we can only fulfill 2 of them in the timeframe.
12345Engineer: which ones do you want?
12345Me: whichever two cost the least
12345Engineer: okay, we can't really do C
12345Me: yeah, fine. A & B, then.
12345Enginner: um, can we just do A?
12345Me: didn't you just say A and B?
12345Engineer: okay, so we really can't do B either. we don't have
12345Engineer: the technology to do it
12345Me: wtf? the specs call for A, B, & C. why did you agree to them?
1234 Engineer: we didn't really think we'd have to do it
12345Me: whatever.
well, one day, I was having one such conversation with one of my colleagues from the other end of the office, a colleague with whom I'd had fairly minimal, if fairly odd, contact with during my tenure at this office place. and in the middle of a conversation that looked very much like the one above, the script suddenly veered when this appeared on my screen:
12345Me: the contract we signed with the client calls for A, B and C
12345Me: to be completed.
12345Colleague: I love you
I'm actually one of those people who reacts well in an emergency. have a heart attack, badly cut yourself, get trapped in an elevator, have a damning secret you can't tell anyone, and you can rest assured that I will know exactly what to do, and do it calmly and well. but throw me this, and I sit like a squirrel at midnight, facing the headlights of a careening roadster. I sat there, blinking at the screen, then closed the computer and went out for a coffee. a big one.
and never, ever, spoke of it to anyone til now.
so this story has not real point or end. but more a question--what would you have done?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
the biggest fool of them all
I will give Bill the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was speaking in metaphor. But let’s be honest, peeps. I’m fairly sure that it is still not okay to start a sentence with, “I don’t want to go on a lynching party against unless…” regardless of what follows that subordinating conjunction.
seriously? it's not even 9.
this morning, I drag myself out of my sleep-denying bed, and pull my things together. it's been 10 days, with a total of less than 27 hours of sleep. I can barely think, and I almost have a breakdown trying to figure out what to wear. I settle on the first two things in the closet. trudging along campus on my way to the library, there is a sudden heavy downpour, and my feet are squelching in pink and olive soaking leather. I get to the library and realize my bag has been open and my finicky computer is sneezing from the wet. everything I am holding is dribbling, there is no place to stow my umbrella, and I am hungry. I just need a coffee, a large one, before I can come up with a plan of action.
so, downstairs I go to pick up a coffee. "A large house, please? Thank you."
the woman behind the counter hands me my coffee and bagel and tells me that my card has been denied. "There is nothing on it. It wouldn't go through. Do you want to try some other form?"
I look at her, slackjawed. I'm sure there's money on it. There was yesterday. Are you sure?
"Yes, and there's a line behind you. How do you want to pay for this? Your card has nothing on it."
It still doesn't compute because I know there is money on it. and so I try again and she begins to become impatient.
I apologize and start digging through my huge pile of things for my wallet. more apologies. I pull out the wet wallet and start fumbling for bills to hand to her.
"Ha ha," says she. "April Fool's. Your card went through, you already paid for it."
so funny I forgot to laugh.
so, downstairs I go to pick up a coffee. "A large house, please? Thank you."
the woman behind the counter hands me my coffee and bagel and tells me that my card has been denied. "There is nothing on it. It wouldn't go through. Do you want to try some other form?"
I look at her, slackjawed. I'm sure there's money on it. There was yesterday. Are you sure?
"Yes, and there's a line behind you. How do you want to pay for this? Your card has nothing on it."
It still doesn't compute because I know there is money on it. and so I try again and she begins to become impatient.
I apologize and start digging through my huge pile of things for my wallet. more apologies. I pull out the wet wallet and start fumbling for bills to hand to her.
"Ha ha," says she. "April Fool's. Your card went through, you already paid for it."
so funny I forgot to laugh.
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