dilemmar

the chiikster has just pointed out to me that def leppard and poison and cheap trick are on tour. hold on while I grab the railing and gasp a bit.

on Sept. 5, I could either be at the Las Vegas MGM, having put away a 19.99 buffet of steak and cheesecake and $25 worth of $5 martini drink vouchers...OR at m & j's wedding, watching two people I love stand in front of each other and vow to love each other for ever and ever blah blah blah, while the all of sit around and surreptitiously look at our watches wondering when someone in a white coat will start coming around with trays of meat sticks and alcohol.

aarrgh, my brain is tearing itself apart.

def leppard! poison! cheap trick!!! I need to lie down.

reasons why ABDC2 isn't as good as the first

1. the judges are watching a little too much american idol
1. and adopting stock personalities. it's not natural to
1. pause so dramatically between words. simon,
1. randy and paula are the reason AI sucks. I don't
1. want to see them here. just talk to us about the
1. dancing.

2. the I-want-to-dance-to-gain-my-parents-love-and-respect
2. thing was already taken by kaba modern's yuri last
2. season, cute asian girl from so real crew. make up a new
2. dramalogue.

3. what made fysh n chicks so great was that they were
3. girls but danced like the boys. take a note, girl crews
3. who are really trying to be the pussycat dolls. this is
3. a breaking competition, not an ass-shake festival.

4. jc chasez has stopped listening to his stylist, as evidenced
3. by his outfit at the the first showcase--grey leather
3. wraparound 80s zipup vest over a heavy black shirt
3. complete with wrist tassels???!!!

5. they still haven't gotten rid of mario lopez

Girly

I’ve always been proud of being able to man up with the best of the boys. On the playground, I ran with the boys. In the classroom, I chose the toolset over the kitchen kit and took Drafting over Home Ec. I even chose a degree program in which I sit and do math with the boys. But for all that, I am strictly a female female. I like pink and things that sparkle. I like dresses with flounces and shoes with heels and boys that notice both. Like Nancy Kwan sings, I enjoy being a girl.

That is, most of the time.

It’s just that every once in a while, the universe reminds you that you’re not a boy, but in fact a girl. And just a girl. It’s disheartening to have to open your eyes and be forced to recognize the gender-based inequalities that still define much of the world: economic, political, and sexual. Or rather, have to explicitly acknowledge that for all the pandering about in the academic or intellectual sphere, when things are boiled down to the basest of experiential differences, there is a clear and definitive line. A line that separates men and women.

Some not-so-small part of me wants to scream out, “it’s not FAIR!” and kick and scream and hit.

So you, you sitting there with your smug Y chromosome: yes, you are complicit in this. You can walk through the world talking about equality and fairness, and make your assumptions and jokes. And I will smile and laugh, but don’t you ever forget that in the end, it is unfair, and it is unfair in your favor. And you owe me.

I’m a girl, and by me that’s only great! I am proud that my silhouette is curvy
That I walk with a sweet and girlish gait; With my hips kind of swivelly and swervy
When I have a brand new hairdo, With my eyelashes all in curl
I float as the clouds on air do, I enjoy being a girl!

Verizon:1, Me: 0

Desperate to not have to cram all of my phone calls into the first 90 seconds of conversation for fear of dead battery, I finally took myself over to the Verizon store. Here is a transcript of my interaction with the Verizon peeps:

Verizon Dude1: Hello. How can we help you today?
Me: I need a new battery for my phone. It's a motorola krzr.
VD1: Okay. Here is Verizon Dude2. He will help you with that.
VD2: Hello. How can I help you today?
Me: I need a new battery for my phone. It's a motorola krzr.
VD2: Follow me (walks 3 steps to the counter). Wait here, and Verizon Girl will help you with that.
VG: I'll be with you in just a moment. I'm just finishing up with this customer, but in the meantime, why don't you tell me what I can help you with?
Me: I need a new battery for my phone. It's a motorola krzr.
VG: I'm sorry. I'll be with you in just a moment.
--a few such moments later--
Verizon Dude 3: Hello. How can we help you today?
Me: I need a new battery for my phone. It's a motorola krzr.
VG: I'm helping her with that. I'm just finishing up here.
VD3: She'll help you with that. She's just finishing up.
Me: ...
--a few million more moments later--
VG: Hi. How can I help you today?
Me: I need a new battery for my phone.
VG: What kind of phone is it?
Me: A motorola krzr.
VG: What's wrong with it?
Me: I don't know. The battery drains after just a few minutes of use, and only lasts 3-4 hours on standby. I think I need a new battery.
VG: How long have you had the battery?
Me: The phone is about a year old.
VG: O, well, yeah. Batteries don't last longer than a year or so. You probably just need a new battery.
Me: ...
VG: So, would you like a new battery?
Me: Yes please.
VG: What kind of battery would you like?
Me: Um, what kind do you have?
VG: Well, we have the regular, and we have the super-duper.
Me: What's the difference?
VG: The super-duper lasts about 3-4 hours longer than the regular.
Me: How long does the regular last?
VG: Well, you should know, you have one in your phone now.
Me: But mine only lasts about 8 minutes.
VG: That's because you need a new one.
Me: ...
Me: I'll just take the regular.
VG: Okay. Would you like me to put it in your phone for you?
Me: Sure, thanks.
VG: What do you want me to do with your old battery?
Me: I don't know, what should I do?
VG: Maybe you should keep it around, just in case this battery breaks.
Me: Is that a strong possibility?
VG: Well, you never know.
Me: Okay, um, thanks.
VG: Thanks, and have a good day!

a poo in pooville

if there is one thing I would wish for in my life, it is to live in a time and place and state of mind where I do not have to be fearful of an unexpected encounter with a poo, a people poo, in the stairwell of the building in which I live.

please reference my blogpost of 19 february, indicating that indeed, this is one of the things I like least in the menu of experiences available to me.

why isn't the universe paying attention to me?

Things I want to quit

* reading perezhilton.com, which is like a bump of speed you
* tried once because you were bored and sick of hearing
* everyone always talk about it but keep returning to
* because it's such a cheap and easy high. but o, the
* crashes and self-loathing afterwards...

* eating reese's mini peanut butter cups as meals.

* losing my student ID card and having to fork out
* $20 each time to pay for a new one

* holding onto the insane belief/hope that I'm just
* a new haircut/color away from an alternate universe
* in which all the dominos of my life will fall perfectly
* into place.

* hearing about how great "Once" is. seriously. meh.

things I am grossed out by

* little particulates of food flying out as you talk to me
* when you use your finger to dig into your ear/nose/other orifice
* and then examine it afterwards
* how you wipe your nose surreptitiously on things other than tissue,
* when you think no one is looking
* watching you dig your underwear out of crevices, in public viewing
* coming across a people poo, unexpectedly, in the street
* seeing you touch yourself, out of the corner of my eye, with your
* hand in your pocket, because you think no one can actually
* figure out what you’re doing
* the sound you make when you suck on your hair, and twirl
* the ends of it in your mouth
* mayonnaise

things I need less of in my life

again, in no obviously particular order:

1. when your coffee person doesn't fill up the cup all the way
2. pony people
3. puddles of ralf in the elevator
4. the feeling you get after you eat 18 mini candy bars in one sitting
5. hearing any of the following words in everyday conversation: retarded, gypped, pussy, actionable
6. gene simmons
7. this feeling in the pit of my stomach


* * later * * *
8. oysters, totally.

anxious, anyone?

sometimes when I'm nervous, I get this uncontrollable craving for bad sugar. the gritty kind that coats your tongue and leaves your mouth all filmy with corn syrup. I just ate NINE mini almond joys, 3 mini hershey bars, 3 full sized reese's peanut butter cups, 7 or 8 mini reese's cups, a bag of m&ms, and a take5 bar. I'm not even going to count the cadbury bar, since that's practically high quality. o, but let's also throw in 2 bags of famous amos chocolate chip cookies and a handful or two of starbursts. and the swedish fish.

there's the entire rest of the night ahead. I'm just getting started.